an essential practice for daily wellness
Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash
“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life.” — Eckhart Tolle
The Illusion of Control
My son is learning how to drive. When he’s behind the wheel, you can find me in the passenger’s seat, holding on to the door handle, pressing my foot down on an invisible brake pedal. I try to relax and enjoy the ride, but I see threats everywhere. I’m fighting the urge to grab the wheel when it looks like he’s turning too wide or about to hit a curb. I’m jumping and calling out, being more of a distraction than a helpful teacher. I want to let him figure things out on his own, but I’m afraid to let him make a mistake. I don’t want him or anyone else to get hurt on my watch.
My jumpy behavior reminds me of how I was living when I was struggling with anxiety and depression not too long ago. I approached life under the same illusion that I could control the ride by holding onto the door and pressing down on the brake. I wanted to be in control and surrender at the same time.
It was a mental health crisis, but even more accurately, it was a spiritual crisis. I’d lost faith in my inner guidance and I didn’t feel safe. I needed to find my center again. I’d been through this before.
When we make it out of a hopeless place, we can’t stop doing the things we did to break free. Often we overcome huge obstacles in our lives only to find the next one waiting for us. We think we’ve surrendered, we’ve learned how to manage fear, then we expand and life calls us to surrender more. This is why we practice self-care, so we can build resilience.
I didn’t want to take the anti-depressants that the doctor gave me until I made sure that I was doing everything I could to help myself without them. At the time, I wasn’t exercising. I wasn’t meditating. I wasn’t connecting with myself spiritually. All of that had to change.
That moment of clarity was about 18 months ago. I decided to start over. There was something redemptive about it, like deciding to go back to school, knowing you will be a different kind of student this time around. I took my hands off the steering wheel and focused inward. I surrendered and I’ve been doing it every day since.
Roger Gabriel, a Chopra Center Educator says, “The word “surrender” often comes with a negative connotation of having to give up or lose something you love. However, when used in a spiritual context, surrender also means to give up everything that is no longer serving you for a more fulfilled life.”
Some of us surrender when we’re in a crisis, or when we’re looking for a major transformation, but we miss the opportunities to practice it everyday situations.
Examples
Let’s say you have a meeting at work that you’ve been dreading. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, surrender your fears through prayer or more specifically — praise. Prepare for that meeting by saying thank you in every way you can. Take 5 - 10 minutes to have a private praise party, giving thanks for who you are and what you value. Praise and say thank you, thank you, thank you until your vibration is elevated and you feel good. I recommend doing this out loud if you can. I find that when I pray in my head, my mind tends to wander. Anyway, then you walk into that meeting and operate from that high vibe place.
Here’s another one. You’re going to spend a weekend with family and you’re nervous about everyone getting along. Many of us would go in thinking about how we want others to behave, instead of being mindful about the energy that we bring to the occasion. To surrender your fears, do some intentional journaling. Make a list of words that describe how you want to feel on the trip. To come up with your list of words, you might ask yourself: When I focus on what I’m looking forward to on this trip, how does that feel? What energy do I want to bring into this environment? What fears, judgments and limiting thoughts do I want to leave behind? Reflect on your list, breathe deeply and imagine that you are surrendering your fears, demands and expectations with every exhale. Do this to program yourself before the trip and as many times as necessary to refresh your energy while you’re there.
You have an issue in your life that’s like a mountain casting a shadow over everything. You have stressed and worried about this issue for a long time and you’ve tried to fix it but your efforts always come from a place of lack and desperation because you’re grasping for control. When we try to solve problems with the wrong energy, we only make the situation worse. Surrender by giving yourself permission to stop trying to force solutions. Let it go for a while and focus on the inner work of releasing fear and quieting your mind. Once your energy changes, the situation will change. You can try this out on a smaller mountain first and see how it goes. Take notes and document the journey.
Final thoughts
Surrender is an act of faith. It’s a practice we can bring into everyday life to help us channel divine guidance and accept the unknown. Many of us surrender every now and then, but we need to be intentional about it. If we don’t get out ahead of our fears, we can be overcome by them.
In The Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav says, “Each time you choose not to act on a frightened part of your personality, you create authentic power - and you grow spiritually. The frightened parts of your personality come less frequently and with less intensity, and the loving parts fill more and more of your consciousness.”
When you fight with fear, it fights right back with you. But when you give up the fight and surrender to higher instincts, that is when you step into your true power.