3 essential self-care practices for ambitious women
Is your ambition at odds with your well-being?
Many of us don’t take care of ourselves proactively until something goes wrong. Focused on results, we neglect our health in pursuit of our goals, which is an unsustainable approach. Long-term success must include a commitment to healthy habits.
When I wrote Self-Care Check-in, I drew from my personal wellness journey and applied research-backed strategies to help ambitious women discover what’s working, what’s not working, and what areas of their lives need more attention.
Whatever you set out to do in life, self-care helps you do it with your mind, body, and soul aligned, so taking care of yourself is the most important part of your success strategy. With this mindset, you don’t seek productivity as a way to prove yourself or feel worthy, but you value the productivity that comes from taking care of yourself.
I learned this the hard way. I was never one to be consistent about nurturing myself or maintaining healthy habits. From a young age, when things weren't going my way or when I was feeling emotionally drained for any reason, self-care was the first thing to go. For years, I doggedly poured from an empty cup, believing I didn’t have time or access to refills. Stuck in limiting beliefs, struggle and scarcity, self-care seemed like a luxury that I couldn't afford. When I learned that self-care is a multi-dimensional, holistic approach to life, not just a way to find relief or distraction in the moment, that's when my story began to change.
rhythm and flow
Adopting a self-care mindset is a transformative approach to life, and the key is consistency.
Now that I’ve written a book about self-care, I often get asked about my personal practice, which is built around rhythms that replenish me throughout my day. Most of us want to establish a reliable self-care routine, but we also need options and flexibility because our lives require it. I believe that rhythms hold the key to caring for ourselves in steady, adaptable, life-affirming ways. Rhythms allow us to find our own unique sweet spot between rigid structure and utter chaos.
Rigid structure is establishing a hardcore routine with no wiggle room or tolerance for change or interruption. Rigid structure creates anxiety when things don’t go exactly as planned. It doesn’t allow for the natural ebb and flow of life. But even the most free-spirited person needs some kind of structure to provide a foundation for their freedom, otherwise, chaos ensues.
Chaos is what happens when you don’t have a plan and you are reactive and easily triggered. Chaos is what happens when your moods run your life, and you make decisions that appease you (or others) in the short-term but hurt you in the long-run.
Somewhere between those extremes, there’s a happy place made up of healthy, life-giving habits. By relying on these habits you create rhythms that support the well-being of your mind, body and soul; and you build your life around that place where your unique needs and values are honored.
So how do you march to the beat of your own self-care rhythm? I suggest starting with three daily practices: meditation, journaling and movement. These three habits will strengthen your mind-body-soul connection, which will lead to more fulfillment in every aspect of your life.
meditation
Meditation is the simplest, most effective self-care practice I know, but just because it is simple, doesn’t mean that it comes easy.
Many people think that if your mind doesn’t go blank during meditation then you’re not doing it right. When I started meditating consistently about two years ago, I decided on 15 minutes each morning with the goal of slowing down my thoughts, not necessarily silencing them. Just like in yoga, I knew that if I judged myself and “how well” I did that I was missing the point.
The point is the practice. The point is to start visiting that place inside that many of us think is too quiet, too scary, too boring to visit. The point is to overcome the fear of that place. Your inner world will show you its secrets and treasures when you pay attention to it.
To meditate, you just sit and breathe and observe your thoughts and mental imagery without judgment. Feel the urges, distractions and discomforts and still continue to sit still and breathe and observe what the mind does. Even if you’ve tried before and struggled with it, I encourage you to at least sit in silence for two, three, then five minutes a day and build from there.
Just a few of the benefits are improved focus, increased patience, lower stress, expanded creativity, and less reactivity. The practice is deeply personal and can go down anywhere, anytime. You can be sitting in your car, standing in the shower, or in the bathroom at work. It’s available to you whenever you need to recenter.
journaling
We all need spaces where we can be raw, uncut, and unapologetically honest. Mindful journaling involves writing down your thoughts without judgment to observe what’s going on in your heart and mind. What you write doesn’t have to be long, clever, poetic, or pleasing. You are simply translating your feelings into words — a practice with many benefits.
Journaling creates immediate relief from having too many thoughts demanding attention in your head. You get to see the thoughts you are habitually thinking, and if they are in alignment with your beliefs and values or not. As you observe your written thoughts without judgment, you discover that even your murkiest feelings — when distilled into words — can be messengers of wisdom and truth. Journaling can also improve memory, increase emotional awareness, improve your mood, boost your confidence, and reduce stress.
In the privacy of your journal, you can dream big and write your visions, goals, and ideas. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron says, “Mulling on the page is an artless art form. It is fooling around. It is doodling. It is the way that ideas slowly take shape and form until they are ready to help us see the light. All too often, we try to push, pull, outline, and control our ideas instead of letting them grow organically. The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”
Journaling is like doodling with words. In the process, mental fog begins to take shape, and you get to mold the raw material that you excavate from your mind. You can make this practice work for you by writing at a specific time and in a specific place each day or you can keep it flexible by carrying a small notebook or using an app on your phone to capture your thoughts on the go.
movement
"Body awareness is the foundation of mindfulness. Thinking about sensations keeps us trapped in our heads and perpetuates patterns of anxiety. By simply experiencing our sensations, on the other hand, we cut down on unproductive thinking and bring about more calmness. Most of us live too much in our heads, and when we find a way to bring our awareness into our bodies it can be a positive relief and even a great pleasure." –Bodhipaksa
Movement is an excellent way to get out of your head and into your body. Activities like walking, stretching, dancing, or any kind of exercise will work. Having a spirit of adventure helps, too. When you deviate from your normal routine and explore new places, you keep your body moving and your mind open to inspiration.
You can establish a rhythm by setting aside a specific time to exercise or by squeezing in extra movement whenever you can, whether it’s taking the steps instead of the elevator or taking a walk at lunch instead of sitting at your desk. Don’t underestimate the power of movement to lift your spirits and get your creative juices flowing. The next time you are stuck in a funky mood or seeking a solution to a problem, instead of forcing yourself to sit at your desk until you figure it out, step away and take a walk or get some exercise and enjoy the insights that come with it.
finding your rhythm
You will notice that meditation, journaling, and movement all help with easing your mind. These practices affirm the fact that it’s not our circumstances that cause us stress and anxiety — it’s not our ambitions, goals, problems, or limitations — it’s the thoughts that we think about them. Meditation, journaling, and movement are habits that free us from the clutter of our thoughts and elevate us to a place where our minds can become instruments of creativity and expansion.
When thinking about developing a consistent self-care practice with these three rhythms, start by thinking about when you most often need to center yourself and recharge. Perhaps it is first thing in the morning before you wake your family or after your morning meeting at work. It could be before you go to bed at night or on certain days of the week.
But don’t stop there. Broaden the way you think about “times” when you need to center yourself. Here are a few examples:
Think about when you often feel stressed and overwhelmed, and replace a reflexive behavior that you currently have — like overeating, complaining, or shopping — with meditation.
Get ahead of situations that you know will be challenging and calm your mind before you start, perhaps by journaling your worries and fears in advance, therefore releasing them from your mind. Or, you can take the approach of journaling hopes and desires in advance — how you want the situation to go — which shifts your focus from dreading the worst to expecting things to work out.
Get in the habit of taking a walk or exercising before you tackle a complicated project or situation and reap the benefits of a warmed up, well-circulated body and an unblocked mind.
With these rhythms built into our days, we can cope with stressful situations in more productive and beneficial ways. Instead of being reactive with defense mechanisms, we can be proactive with self-care solutions that keep us replenished and capable of handling whatever comes our way.
SELF-CARE CHECK-IN
I wrote the Self-Care Check-in guided journal with ambitious women in mind. We need daily reminders to prioritize wellness over productivity. The book is packed with research-based techniques to help you manage stress, nurture your values and goals, and take steps toward concrete change. Equipped with these tools, you can open the door to a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle. Learn more about the book here and find out about my creative self-discovery workshops here.