challenge what is considered normal

“What a difference it can make in our lives if we begin to challenge what is considered normal in our culture; if we escape from judging ourselves and others in relation to normality; if we start to honor the diversity of our lives and the lives of others; and if we start to appreciate what special knowledge we may have gained in our lives from experiences of difference or even hardship.” — David Denborough, Retelling the Story of Our Lives

Last week we talked about procrastination and resistance, and our exercise called us to be honest with ourselves about what inner conflicts we’re avoiding when we procrastinate. This week I want to explore a particular kind of resistance that involves the fear of failure, specifically the fear of failing at normalcy. Even as we may quietly accept the ways in which we diverge from the dominant culture, if we’re not careful, we can carry a sense of loss or unworthiness within that acceptance.

Denborough says it well:

“In our efforts to conform to what it means to be a “real person” in today’s culture, we are encouraged to keep rating and measuring ourselves against so many standards and norms. We rate ourselves on how normal or abnormal we are, how healthy or unhealthy, how adequate or inadequate, how competent or incompetent, and so on. In modern times, there are more and more of these tables and continuums that we measure ourselves and each other against. This is why the phenomenon of personal failure has grown so rapidly over recent decades, and this is why there are so many more opportunities now to experience ourselves as failures.”

How often do we consider our areas of difference to be areas of failure, inadequacy, or lack? These are subconscious beliefs that we need to be aware of and release. 

As you nurture your creative lifestyle and projects, be mindful of how you measure yourself against cultural and societal standards and think about how you need to support yourself when your choices set you apart. Tune into your differences and be aware of the special knowledge you have gained from the way your life has defied 'normality'. In what ways can you find empowerment in being a misfit and not fitting in? 

The following exercise asks you to consider the mainstream expectations that have affected your creative choices and what you’ve learned from defying or not defying those expectations. After doing this exercise, also consider:

— What other self-reflection questions does this exercise trigger for you?

— How might your creative project or calling defy mainstream expectations? In what small ways can you prepare yourself for possible outcomes? 

I have provides some examples from my personal journal in the table below.