“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” — Brené Brown

In her 2010 TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown coined the phrase ‘vulnerability hangover’ which is the feeling of drain and regret that comes after putting yourself out there and sharing your authentic self in some new and brave way. Brown says that vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. Sometimes we do feel weak after admitting a truth or showing a different side of ourselves. There is inner conflict as old limitations and new freedoms mix up your energy. You don’t know whether to feel good about how you’re stretching or bad about how you might be judged. You go over things you’ve said and shared again and again. This is to be expected. But beyond that initial hangover feeling, there’s growth. Her research highlights the positive outcomes we can discover from embracing vulnerability as a pathway to more meaning and courage in life.

I’ve experienced all kinds of vulnerability hangovers over the past nine years, ever since I became self-employed. My career has been my portal to change. Before I had the language to explain my calling, I left my ‘good job’ because I knew the work I was doing and the life I was living were eating away at my soul.

Since then I’ve been on this vulnerability journey, peeling back the layers of shame, guilt, denial, and avoidance to reveal who I really am. It’s been like coming out of a trance. Surrendering, and then surrendering some more. I didn’t begin truly knowing myself and developing a creative vision for my life until my mid-30s, and at 44, I look at the past, present and future in awe of the unfolding and inspired by what I’ve found on the other side of fear.

Over the past year, I’ve been developing a framework for reclaiming your story, and I’m writing a book about it. One of the concepts I’m working with right now is what it takes to build self-trust when you are called to show up in a new way, and the world hasn't given you directions or permission to do so. Especially if you've spent your life finding conviction in other people’s directions and permissions. Redirecting that trust is uncomfortable. The uncertainty of it all. The self-compassion and resilience that are needed. The faith in something bigger that is required.

Until you know your why and trust yourself, vulnerability often feels scary and wrong, and uncertainty can undermine your creative callings with feelings of regret. So how do we affirm ourselves in these hangover moments, and take care of ourselves through the awkwardness that comes with growth?

The answer, of course, is practice. Surrendering, and surrendering some more. When you let go of the need to control other people’s perceptions of you, you invite positive things to happen. You expand your comfort zone. You build a tolerance to uncertainty and find healthy ways to deal with it. You start associating positive outcomes with uncertainty, so any negative perceptions you have can evolve. In the book, I’m offering self-care practices that center writing as a path to embrace vulnerability and give yourself permission to reclaim your story. I’ll be sharing more on this project as it comes together.

Talk to you soon,

GG

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