making ugly art

april 23 | weekly warm-up

Write a journal entry about your creative shadow self. The form the writing takes is totally up to you, in fact, the point is to be as free as possible and not follow any rules.

The only guideline is that write as many words as you can in five minutes without stopping, editing, revising, etc.

First, set a timer and write. When you’re done, the second part of the exercise is to step away from the piece for at least a few hours and then come back to it. Read over the piece with fresh eyes and write a synopsis of the piece as if you were describing a compelling, innovative, groundbreaking piece of art. Write it in the third person, referring to yourself as ‘the artist’ as you evaluate the artist’s point of view and delivery.

I don’t have many material treasures, but my kids’ art is at the top of the list of valuables.

There was a time when my kids brought home so many papers and pieces of art each day that I struggled to find places to keep it all. Our fridge was covered, I had baskets and bins and folders allocated to each kid and each grade. Their drawings, collages, paintings, poems, and stories filled every corner of our home. I even had a wall in my bedroom dedicated to our kids’ random masterpieces.

Things are drastically different now. I have to beg them to remember to bring their art home. My 20-year old writes song lyrics and raps, but he’s secretive about it—probably because he thinks we won’t approve of the explicit content! My 17-year old daughter often ‘forgets’ to bring her art projects home, and ends up leaving them with her teacher at the end of the semester. My 12-year old has been making a point to bring home her creations because I told her how much it means to me, but I still don’t see the same joy and pride in her eyes as I did when she was younger. She often hands them to me with a comment about how the shading could be better or what part she messed up on.

Overall, I’ve noticed how they all seemed to value their art less over the years. Somewhere along the way, they became self-conscious and critical of their artistic expressions. It went from a source of play to becoming another source of validation or invalidation. My son used to create characters and stories and illustrate these elaborate comic strips.

Sometimes I pull out those delicate pages that I’ve preserved from dust and deterioration, and I make him look through them as I say, “I’m still waiting for the next installment!”

He says, “Mom, those weren’t even any good. Those were little kid drawings.” I say, “What?! It’s all part of your becoming! Part of your journey! It’s a snapshot of who you were at that time!” He listens to pacify me, but here I am still waiting for the next issue, still reminding him to channel his ideas and feelings into art. It doesn’t matter to me what form it takes. I just know how powerful it is to be a creator, how important it is for well-being, and I don’t want them to lose that spark.

Last week, I asked you to identify an area of your life where your shadow self has sabotaged your efforts. This week, I want you to look specifically at the effect that your shadow has had on your creative life. Maybe it started with a negative comment or feedback from a teacher or classmate. Maybe it was discouragement from a family member or simply the gradual realization that the world views some art as good and some art as bad. Somewhere along the way, your spontaneous art—the raw expression of your inner world—became part of your shadow self.

This is why so many of us struggle with the inner critic that stands in the way of getting our messy first thoughts out of our heads and onto the page. The inner critic is the shadow self telling us that we’re not a good enough writer, or our stories don’t matter, or we’re not doing it ‘right’, etc. This is why expressive writing is so helpful for shadow work. For those of us who deal with overthinking, perfectionism, procrastination and paralysis, making ‘ugly’, unpolished art allows us to face this hidden shame, to sit with creative discomfort and cultivate self-compassion. Making ugly art allows us to bring this shadow into the light.

So this week, I’m asking you to make some messy, unpolished art, and sit with the discomfort that it brings up so you can more fully embrace your whole being.